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Dear Dr. Keller:
I have the opportunity to become my company’s CFO, which is something that at the beginning of my career several years ago was only a glimmer.
So now the day is here. They have offered me the position, and I am not sure I can take it — or, I should say, do it. I get knots in my gut when I think about all the responsibilities that go along with the being CFO. With the way people view top executives these days, thanks to the economy and the government, I am not sure I want to be the one everybody blames if things go wrong.
What do you think I should do?
Signed: Fearful Almost CFO
Dear Almost CFO:
What you describe could be one of two things: 1) A fear of authority and accountability, and 2) A lack of confidence.
Let’s start with authority. Authority translates into responsibility. You are responsible to the shareholders, executive team, the CEO, the employees, the customers and, finally, to yourself. Responsibility involves six areas: doing what needs to be done (ethically and legally); being reliable and dependable; fulfilling your moral obligations; using good judgment and realizing the consequences of your actions; exercising self-control; and lastly being accountable for your behavior (not making excuses or blaming others).
Accountability is the acknowledgement and assumption of responsibility for actions, decisions and policies. Do you believe you are capable of being responsible and accountable as a CFO? Can you perform your obligations ethically and credibly? You must have demonstrated the ability for this, otherwise the board would not have recommended you for the position.
That leaves us with the second possible reason you are afraid: low self-confidence. The concept of self-confidence relates to self-assuredness in one’s personal judgment, ability and power. Low self-confidence is a negative emotion that exaggerates your limitations. The key word is “exaggerates,” meaning not real.
Low self-confidence can be an unrealistic expectation of perfection. You have the power to change this dynamic in your head and gut by tying your confidence to something specific. Do you desire to be a quality CFO? What are you specifically confident about yourself with regard to the position?
Make a list of everything. The mind responds very well to what you expect. For instance, instead of “I don’t want to mess it up” change your mindset to “I will be a great success!” This gives you something positive to work toward, thereby increasing your self-confidence. Accept the position knowing you have the competencies and the confidence to do it.
Dear Dr. Keller:
I carpool with a group of people to and from work. The problem is now we have added another person to the group and I and the others were not consulted about the new person. The person who let this new man ride is the owner and driver of the car.
We think we should have some say in who is invited into the carpool even thought we don’t own the car. We do pay for gas and upkeep of the car. This arrangement has worked well for more than a year. The tension in the car seems to grow by the day. There isn’t anything wrong with the new rider except that he talks a great deal. We think we should say something. What do you think?
Signed: Back-seat drivers
Dear Back-seat drivers:
And what would you say to the driver? We don’t like the new person? You had no right to make this decision without consulting us? You have to listen to what we want?
It sounds like you were offended that the driver didn’t check with you first. I don’t think he has to, but it would have been a nice gesture. What do you plan to do about the tension? How much of it is coming from you? Are you willing to make this a win-win situation by changing your perception or how you allow it to affect you? You do have choices and the power to make them.
What were the arrangements prior to forming the carpool? Were you clear on what you wanted and would put up with? Did you ask who would make decisions? Did you ask for a vote on certain specifics? If not, then sorry, you can either ride quietly, walk, hitchhike or adopt a new attitude.
If the new person in the car doesn’t interfere with getting you there on time, safely and with little consternation, then look out the window and enjoy the scenery.
DR. KAREN J. KELLER, a syndicated columnist, is a master certified coach and clinical psychologist specializing in workplace issues, executive and business problem resolution and coaching. Send your questions to
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